Ever wondered how to occupy yourself in shit boring middle America? Look no further disgruntled traveler help is at hand, if you have one. May I suggest ten k-rad things to do in Montana:
1. Camp on the lakeside for 4 days under the stars.
2. Make full body mudmasks from the river clay and dry in the sun.
3. Lie in the sun and regain your golden tan lost during the canadian winter.
4. Have Dirge teach you the enjoyable art of the river poo. measure river poo length against your forearm.
5. Watch Dirge demonstrate the art of pissing anywhere, anytime without anyone noticing. Classy dame.
6. Eat with the Amish and gorge yourself with tasty homestyle cooking. Cram until you almost puke.
7. Go candy/lolly (loli!?!?) shopping. Buy 1.7kg of Jolly Ranchers for $7.
8. Buy fireworks from the crazy lady at the roadside stall. Listen as she insists throwing fireworks at each other drunk is okay. Notice she only has one hand.
9. Observe the FBI/CIA/WTF space rocks rocks positioned at the American border crossing (pic below).
10. Escape to Canada.
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