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Fear not faithful reader I have not, as some suggested, fallen to my death or been arrested, probed and sent shackled to some random detention center at the edge of the lunar disk we know as Earth. However I'm settled (somewhat) in Canada which I believe is kinda close.

[Aside: For real news skip to the final 2 paragraphs. End]

I'm living cheaper than Jesus, which isn't that much of a change really. I wasn't born in barn either, score one for ds. I reside on the kitchen floor of a basement, upon a 2.5cm air mattress in a sleeping bag. My clothes are stuffed in the kitchen drawers :) One for socks, another for shirts, another for underwear. My diet consists mainly of frozen peas, noodles and rice - it's a ninja diet. Minus the fish :(

My humble abode is the geekiest house in the known universe. Lain (of Serial Experiments Lain) would approve indeed. Only living in a replica Millenium Falcon could be more nerdy. Lan cables hang like vines from the ceilings, boxes of computer games (1980s +) litter the carpet. It's some crazy geek version of the the ricepaper floor. Running the gauntlet late at night can be interesting and most definitely builds dexterity. Ravaged b0xen lie discarded and broken. They slink into the dark corners to protect their few remaining internal organs. Anime, manga, gaming and scifi comprise the household entertainment staple. From my typing position I can see ~8 consoles and 200+ games. The household is noticeably devoid of females.

I'm passing my short initial stay by working a retail job in which I cruise around talking shit to people. I'm working on my approach statement, 'would you like a hand?' isn't really my style. My shit talking and 'outward' friendliness is improving in leaps and bounds. I'm devising a schedule of descriptors to use when initiating conversation, the list currently includes such gems as: chief, pal, buddy, ninja, homie, guy, dickass, cockwalrus... etc. I'm avoiding all use of the word 'mate'. Please suggest others if they spring to mind. Retail is growing dull and I'm beginning to appreciate the years enslaved at university/college. Perhaps I just need to stir more er, excitement in my workplace. Yes that's the word I'm looking for.

The Dealio

 
Now you didn't come here to hear about my lame ass fucking life so let's drop the hyperbole and get to the real dealio. One update remains. Tis a tale of epic proportions that has Frodo-fucking-Baggins crapping himself. He read the first paragraph and fled cowering into the arms of Sam Gamgee. This is shit so super-villain in nature that Skeletor, Mumm-Ra, Megatron, Chuck Norris and Michael Dudikoff are practising their cheerleader pyramids in a flurry of pom-poms, spandex and upskirts while Highway To The Dangerzone wails in the background. How the hell do you make an equilateral-type pyramid with only 5 people? Fucks me they're just riding my saline pumped sack that goddamn hard.

Sleepycity tag teamed with Sub-Urban to bust up the biggest, most devastating underground location ever seen. So encircle your dome with bubble wrap and fasten your cranium shut with gaffer tape cos we're dropping bombs of ridiculous flavour. The illoscope exploded in a shower of springs, gizmos and widgets just trying to measure the wang-elevation. I couldn't be more solidly barred up were my boazk pumped full of Viagra and dominated by a tribe of jungle Medusa in schoolgirl outfits. Fear not friends, the wait is worthwhile and Nuts Will Bust.

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